There's a crushing guilt that comes with having only one child, especially when you're a stay at home mom. I hear the dialogue in my head:
"What have I really accomplished today?"
"Only one kid... that definitely leaves enough time for a spotless house, 3 hot meals a day, and a consistent supply of homemade goodies and Pinterest crafts."
"You should at least be working part-time. Lots of moms do it."
"How could you ever handle more than one child when you can't handle this one."
Before you start arguing with my extremely flawed logic, stick with me...
I realized in a conversation with friends the other day, that I am not alone in this. Not so far in our past, a woman wasn't a woman unless she was a mother. There are many cultures who still operate by this standard. Thankfully that is no longer the case if you're living here in the States, but, man, are there standards once you've been inducted into the motherhood club. Once your baby has turned one, you really better consider getting pregnant with #2. If you have a boy and a girl, you can stop at 2 but 3 kids is acceptable. If you have 2 boys or 2 girls, you are obligated to try for #3 or your family is incomplete and, consequently, unsuccessful. You had better stop after 3, because 4+ kids means you're crazy.
As I reflected on these ridiculous notions that our society has pressured us with and the hurtful comments that have been made to so many of us, I got a little angry. I mean, come on society!
It'd be pretty easy to blame society. As a Jesus-follower, I am in this world, but I am not of it. I don't have to live by society's rules.... so take that society! ;)
So what rules do I live by? God says I'm His child, a new creation in Him. Am I less of a mother because I am mother of "only" one? .... The more I thought about it all, the more I realized that my fear and my guilt have absolutely nothing to do with my role as a mother. I have the I'm-not-enough disease. I often wallow in the reality that I'm not enough and forget the gospel. I (we) get paralyzed by fear, as if life is all about being the perfect mother, father, spouse, employee, employeer, student, son, daughter, etc. I lose my perspective because, while all these things aren't bad, life is about so much more. And sometimes we ("we" meaning "me" when things are going well and I feel pretty in control), contract the I'm-enough-thank-you-very-much disease and my perspective is once again off. Both sides of the spectrum are pride. When I'm wallowing in my insufficiencies, I don't believe that God is big enough to overcome what I have going on. When I'm trusting in my own sufficiencies, I'm placing myself in the position God desires to have. Whether I'm in woah-is-me mode or I-got-this mode, the gospel is the solution.
The gospel changes everything. The gospel says, "You're not enough. You're downright terrible. But God is enough, and He's already saved the day. So, chin up, 'cause it's time to live in the freedom of His salvation."
Some days I live as if Christ our Lord didn't come to earth to die for the sins of humanity. BUT HE DID. I go through the motions as if He didn't redeem me from my death-deserving state and call me to a life of worship. BUT HE DID. I worry and obsess over the things that fill my day as if He isn't alive, present, and King over every second of time past, present, and future. BUT HE IS. Hallelujah hallelujah, my God reigns!
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